Togetherwer

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Sun, 12 May 2013 10:41:02 -0400

Recovery Warrior: To anyone who thinks eating disorders are only about the weight...

Wed, 01 May 2013 06:43:53 -0400

Recovery Warrior: To anyone who thinks eating disorders are only about the weight...:

I have suffered with an eating disorder since 2006. And my mentality was like this: At my very core, I just knew that I was less than dirt, and didn’t deserve to eat (sign of self-care, compassion, love, acceptance, and happiness). At my worst, it wasn’t about anything anymore. I wasn’t…

Anonymous: Doesn't it get exhausting helping others 25/7?

Sun, 31 Mar 2013 17:16:16 -0400

Anonymous: Doesn't it get exhausting helping others 25/7?
Me: Sometimes.
Anonymous: Then why do you do it?
Me: For that one message that said "Your blog saved my life."

15 months clean!!!!!!

Mon, 18 Mar 2013 21:28:13 -0400

note to self: cheese and crackers is not a lunch.

Mon, 04 Mar 2013 12:14:11 -0500

note to self: cheese and crackers is not a lunch.

Food stuff

Mon, 04 Mar 2013 11:36:32 -0500

I’ve been working on eating (and trying to do it as best as I can is hard at times) since Lent started. But I always come up with excuses as to why I can’t eat or why I can’t eat as healthily as I should. My therapist and I talked about the need for me to take ownership of my eating and ensure that I get what I need so that I can get off Ensure (punny I know, i had to throw it in there…) We planned that I would write up a grocery list so that I had a game plan and wouldn’t walk around the fact that I’m not eating like I should. But at the beginning of the week, my mom went without my knowledge and I justified my poor eating because “I didn’t know and so I don’t have the food I want to eat.” Then, this morning my mom was getting ready to head out on errands when she mentioned going to the grocery store again. I struggled to mention that I needed things, and then when I finally did, my mom shut them down and wasn’t a fan of getting them. I asked for nuts and dried fruit to make the nut mixture my therapist always gives me during sessions and she wasn’t a fan. So I short-changed my list with only the nut mixture stuff because she was putting up a fight about not wanting to get a lot. I don’t know how to stand up and say that I need this food for my health. I’m eating sparingly but I know i can’t survive on my Greek yogurt (which we ran out of and who knows if she’ll get it at the store) and the few other things I let myself have. Now i’m just waiting to see what she brings home and planning something off of that for my meals….hopefully.

togetherwer: Yesterday was Charity Day at my school which is...

Sat, 02 Mar 2013 15:05:49 -0500

togetherwer:

Yesterday was Charity Day at my school which is basically funness in 1/2 a day. There is a talent show (in which I irish danced), a trivia contest, and then a dance competition. All the seniors always get really decked out. It’s so much fun and then always a ball to go out afterwards. This is my friend Cassidy and I from yesterday. We ended up heading out and having a great time. Of course when I took off that face paint later, my skin had a slight reaction so its a little red. Oh well, it was a much needed fun day.

TogetherweR: Today I gave a talk on the difference between a diet and an eating...

Thu, 28 Feb 2013 18:14:07 -0500

TogetherweR: Today I gave a talk on the difference between a diet and an eating...:

togetherwer:

Today I gave a talk on the difference between a diet and an eating disorder at lunches and had a turnout of around 60 people. It meant a lot that I was able to do it. A lot of people were honest and shared stories and two cents, helping making this talk such a great success. I had so many people…

take three

Thu, 28 Feb 2013 06:25:30 -0500

so the past two days have been pretty rough. today should be an easier day but we’ll see how things play out. on a positive note, i am giving a speech for NEDAwareness Week at my school during lunches to create awareness on the difference between a diet and an eating disorder. I’ll let you know how many people show up.

frazzled.

Wed, 27 Feb 2013 19:01:51 -0500

~~my day has been crazy.~~ the past two days have been crazy. yesterday I already ranted about so you can read that post on my blog below. but today was just a tiny bit better, still pretty bad.

i had a hectic day at school which just threw me off. and then after school my game plan was attend the mandatory meeting for Friday’s talent show I am in and then race to work, where surely it would be a slow night. At the talent show run through, i didn’t do too hot, but i didn’t think it was too bad. i was just so out of it and worried and trapped in negative thoughts that I couldn’t really tell. but then i just got a message on facebook from another girl in my act who said she can’t believe i just stopped during the performance (I have no recollection doing that) and totally messed it up. she told me that i need to run through it basically a million times by friday. so i wrote up the order of the irish dance and sent it to her, making sure i was right in my reasoning. i’m still waiting to hear back but it was just an annoying and really frazzling message to get.

then, work canceled on me which should have been a good thing but i was already worked up about getting there after the show so i was literally dying in my car. i had run off stage after performing and then rushed to my car to drive (which probably would’ve been speeding if i hadn’t gotten the text saying i didn’t need to come in.) i was sick from running and pushing myself and felt nauseous. it wasn’t fun :( then i called my madre on the way home (who just freaked out at me yesterday so there is tension between us) to let her know work canceled. she said that was great because they invited the grandparents over. so it was dinner and a show (that I was okay and not completely frazzled.)

i feel blah right now. tell me, why do i have to be superwoman and do everything?

bad days only last 24 hours.

Tue, 26 Feb 2013 19:02:28 -0500

today has been a bad day and I can’t wait for it to be over. Basically everyone kept letting me down on things I had counted on them to do. For NEDA week today, we were posting positive affirmations on post-it notes on the student’s lockers. firstly, not everyone handed in their post-it notes which meant we were short. i spend first block writing up 135 post-it notes with one friend Devin doing her own pad. Then out of the girls who volunteered to do it (I’m organizing the week but wasn’t on for this particular assignment) only one showed up to help. So Devin and I with that one girl started putting them up on the around 600 lockers. This other girl (not even a part of the club) helped us, but we didn’t have enough which irritated me. We covered as much as we could though and the ones that were they really made an impact. everyone said they loved them. secondly, a teacher I really like was not in a good mood today and then it was projected on me which I wasn’t expecting. She challenged me 4 times which made me upset. Thirdly, I found out this manadatory meeting is not thursday (like I thought) but tomorrow (which messes with my work schedule so i had to sort through that.) Fourthly, i had to practice after school (while simultaneously running a film club meeting) for our talent show on friday and was just exhausted (we are irish dancing). Fifthly, i had a project where everyone was just really incompetent. i wrote the majority of the paper and they just let me do it which sucked because they just “couldn’t.” Also I had a meaty topic to talk about during our oral presentation because they just handed it off to me. Even more, when I asked them to put up the works cited on the document, they couldn’t add them. we needed a minimum of 18 and when i checked this morning there were only 14 posted, 10 of which were mine >:/

but on the good (?) side, I challenged myself to eat more at lunch. I had therapy yesterday and my therapist and i talked about what is an appropriate (and not distorted) lunch to bring. I tried it and was just like, “Holy molley this is a lot of food.” But I guess with time it will be easier(?) Plus, she said if I am eating [and like really eating so it’ll take time], then I can have COFFEE again! (I haven’t been on it since Nov when it landed me in the hospital.)

Celebrating 14 months self-harm free today with my crown and all...

Mon, 18 Feb 2013 12:34:44 -0500

Celebrating 14 months self-harm free today with my crown and all :P

14 months self-harm free today <3

Mon, 18 Feb 2013 09:49:57 -0500

I gave it a noble try, but me and baked oatmeal don’t see...

Mon, 18 Feb 2013 09:49:22 -0500

I gave it a noble try, but me and baked oatmeal don’t see eye to eye. Oh well, I tried it and that’s all I can ask of myself.

Yummy salad for lunch with tomatoes, cheese and Chinese noodles.

Sun, 17 Feb 2013 14:15:33 -0500

Yummy salad for lunch with tomatoes, cheese and Chinese noodles.

togetherwer: Breakfast: Strawberry Greek yogurt with granola...

Sun, 17 Feb 2013 10:39:50 -0500

togetherwer:

Breakfast: Strawberry Greek yogurt with granola and golden raisins, a banana-and-peanut-butter piece of toast, and a banana.

togetherwer: Making the switch from Ensure to Luna Bars…..so...

Sat, 16 Feb 2013 15:36:09 -0500

togetherwer:

Making the switch from Ensure to Luna Bars…..so far they don’t make me gag like Ensure does!

togetherwer: My delicious dinner of a black bean chili :)

Sun, 10 Feb 2013 19:08:01 -0500

togetherwer:

My delicious dinner of a black bean chili :)

Breakfast — apple slices, buttered toast, Special K Strawberry cereal.

Thu, 31 Jan 2013 06:40:10 -0500

Breakfast — apple slices, buttered toast, Special K Strawberry cereal.

togetherwer: Officially bought my airline tickets for this summer! I’ve been planning this trip...

Wed, 30 Jan 2013 06:43:49 -0500

togetherwer:

Officially bought my airline tickets for this summer! I’ve been planning this trip since 2005 and seeing it finally all pan out is awesome. Yesterday I bought my ticket to go there and back. Now we just need some other details filled in but the hard part is over.